Life's A Dance You Learn As You Go

Shawna and Greg's wedding was so wonderful, much better than I expected. I don't really know what I was expecting though. Anyway, the Newport Beach temple was beautiful. I'm glad that I finally got to see it. Shawna and Greg came out positively beaming. It was really neat to see. I was so happy for them in that moment, despite whatever differences we may have had in the past. It was cold but clear outside. Pictures took awhile, but Dan and I took off before they were done. We had lunch at a chinese restaurant called Sam Woo; it was pretty good food. It was in the middle of this mall that was in the middle of this high-scale business district. Kind of weird, but cool at the same time. Then we drove for a while and found an Ikea and had to go to Ikea, so we ran around there and played for a while. Then more driving as we continued to make our way back towards Ventura. We went to the Thousand Oaks Mall and played in a couple of toy stores (we like to play), and then Dan kicked me out of the Disney store so he could buy "cereal bowls." A little more driving took us to Camarillo, where we visited President Blikenstaff, who Dan knows from way back. President Blikenstaff is the nicest man; I really like to go see him (even though I've only really seen him twice). He's cheerful but realistic at the same time, if that makes any sense. It was fun and nice to relax for a bit. Then we drove another half an hour to Ventura for the reception. The reception also was unexpectedly great. We had a lot of fun dancing and sharing memories about Shawna and Greg. I did not catch the bouquet as everyone but myself was hoping I would. :-) Some of the boys did the YMCA dance for everyone; a few of us girls did the Numa Numa dance. Pure comedy, let me tell you. The cake was amazing (chocolate with raspberry filling and chocolate frosting) and Shawna and Greg, though looking a little tired, still looked wonderful and happy. I know this entry is kind of factual, but I can't really express the feelings of the day. It was a really happy day and I just feel so good about it. This probably makes absolutely no sense. Suffice to say I had a great time. The End.

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: MoTab - For the Beauty of the Earth

I am SO excited that finals are over and I have three weeks to relax, go to a wedding, work on my own time, and enjoy CHRISTMAS! I feel that my finals went rather well, and I am anxious for grades to come out. I know that the only reason these last two weeks have gone as well as they have is because Heavenly Father loves me and gave me the tools, inspiration, and extra help to do well. I can't even try to pretend that I did all that I did myself. Everyday miracles DO exist, and I am a living testament of that. Now I can breathe deep, enjoy myself and watch tons of TV.

There has been a lot of talk lately about Joseph Smith at church. This year marks his 200th birthday, and I have learned so much about him and have gained such a testimony of his life and works. I love and admire everything he has done for us, and even though his story is hard to believe for some, I have a very strong testimony that what he saw and experienced really did happen. I can't doubt that. As soon as I finish reading the Book of Mormon, I'm going to read his history in the Pearl of Great Price, just to re-experience what I can from his words. I'm way excited for that.

Dan and I went to the Paso last Friday after finals and had so much fun! We went Christmas shopping, had dinner at KFC, and went to the Hot Springs (which I totally recommend over Sycamore; the place in Paso is amazing). It was the perfect, most relaxing end to a hard week. Yesterday I made cookies and watched "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" on TV. Sometimes its hard for me to concentrate on relaxing because I keep thinking how amazing it is to have a comfortable, cute, warm apartment to spend three weeks doing next-to-nothing in and how lucky I am to be in SLO and lead such an incredible life. AND I have good friends AND I have a awesome boyfriend AND I have a great family. Makes me feel all warm and tingly inside. :-)

Current Mood: grateful
Current Music: God's Daily Care

So, per reading Gazelle's Xanga via Facebook (isn't the internet great?), I've decided to reappear on livejournal. I have no idea how long it will last, but I'm at least making an appearance. What can I say? It has been a very crazy quarter. I am still struggling with acting the way I am and not the way I think I'm supposed to be, though I feel I have made leaps and bounds in the last few months. I put together a study group instead of waiting to be asked to join one, which was a big thing for me. Unfortunately, it fell apart at the last minute, but at least I did it. I'm also learning what things are okay to say and which are not. That is very difficult because I'm such an open person and that other people are not comfortable with that has taken some getting used to. That may sound contradictive to the last accomplishment, but it works. Life is too complicated to not have contradictions. I'm learning to be more assertive and realizing its okay to want things (like a decently clean apartment) and go after them (even if it means confronting roommates who haven't been cleaning for weeks). I get closer and closer every day to the person I want to be. Some days I take big steps backwards, but the object is to keep trying and I've been quite good at that lately.

And its Christmas! I'm am so happy! I never realized how happy Christmas made me. It seemed like the feeling of Christmas season came really early this year. When I am feeling stressed out, I just bask in the Christmas-y feeling and it makes everything wonderful again, even Senior Projects and finals. I feel so full of love and joy and I am so very thankful for such an amazing feeling.

So I guess I better start actually doing stuff (lame!). How long has that bottled water been sitting on my desk?

Current Mood: jubilant
Current Music: O Little Town of Bethlehem-Frank Sinatra *CheckOutYahooRadio

NO ONE updates this thing anymore. Except Andrew (randomly) with his didn't-need-to-know-that life details. Ah Andrew. Remember when you asked me what I wanted to know about your "new life" and I said "everything"? I think I've changed my mind. ;-)

This week has been INSANE. Part of me is glad is has been, and the other part hates it. Both parts are ready for everything to be taken care of and put away into the confines of the memory. From insurance not paying for my car to get fixed to personal life issues to lots of introspection, plus school and extra hours at work, it is safe to say I've had a lot on my mind. It is also VERY safe to say I've needed help. My parents, as I've mentioned, have been incredibly supportive. They've taught me about good parenting this week and what it really means to love unconditionally in a way I hadn't thought about. Dan and my roommates have listened patiently while every other statement I made was about my car. My professors have been understanding and helpful, as was my insurance up until Friday. It could have been a truly heinous week, but instead it has just been frustrating, and I'd way rather have the second option. I've also needed help from a loving Heavenly Father and gracious Savior, and did I ever get it. From messages of unconditional love to prompting those around me to say and do the right things to comfort and strength to reminding me time and again through both the Spirit and through others that everything would be okay, I've been completely cared for in the best possible way. I could not have made it through this week as well as I did without Their help and I fully acknowledge that. My faith has been strengthened immensely and I am happy to know that I did not waver in that faith once. That is a huge stepping stone for me and an incredible blessing. I know that with heavenly help I can do and survive anything. Now I'm enjoying a relaxing evening before I have to get back to the rigors and challenges of everyday life. Off to "live it up!"

Current Mood: grateful

I caused an accident today. It was not fun. I hurt my car, hurt the other guy's way more. Didn't hurt anyone, so that's a good thing. Lots of money will be spent. I have amazing friends, co-workers, and roommates who have shown so much concern for me, but mostly I have an incredible boyfriend and phenomenal parents who have taken the best care of me. My parents actually drove here as soon as they heard to help me figure out what to do with the car AND brought me snacks and Diet Pepsi and laundry detergent and muscle relaxants from when I got rear-ended a couple of years ago. "Hey, Mom and Dad, I busted the car." "That's okay, we brought food and drugs." Whose parents do that??? I could not be more grateful for the amazing and kind responses to today's events. No yelling, no blaming, just lots of love and support and "It's going to be okay" being told to me. And it will. :-)

Current Mood: thankful

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This whole hurricane Katerina thing is so sad. It's hard to even comprehend that it's real because it's so far away, but not really. Everywhere you look there's something about it screaming from the headlines. I know it's horribly selfish to wish I didn't have see it anymore when the people in New Orleans and Mississippi don't even have homes or have lost family or have died. I'm sure they wish they didn't have to deal with it even more than I do. I just feel so awful and so utterly helpless to help those people. And on top of everything it's like 90 degrees in those areas! I mean, can you imagine? SO horrible. I hope something goes right sometime soon. I hope the death toll is lower than estimated, I hope someone finds who they are looking for alive and well, I hope the water will go away more quickly than expected, any glimmer of hope for those poor people.

Current Mood: sympathetic

I am so frustrated. As the end of the quarter starts, I look around my seemingly unkept apartment and wonder how much higher my stress levels could possibly rise. I have a 10-page paper due next Thursday which seems like a long way off but I'm rather worried about it. I have a 'C' in my theatre class due to the week vacation in Utah, so I have to do well on this paper to bring my grade up (preferably to an 'A'). I haven't been giving the same kind of time to that class as I have to my English class either and I'm sure that isn't helping any. I guess really that is my only school stressor, but it's a big one right now. I'll be so glad on next Thursday when I turn it in and it's gone. I always feel better after I turn in big assignments, even if I don't feel like I've done well on it because at least it is over and there is nothing more I can do about it.

So what really drives me nuts is my apartment. I'm trying really hard to keep it clean, but Danielle not only doesn't clean AT ALL but continually adds to the mess by leaving her crap all over the place every single day, even after I put it away. All she has to do is work, but she's been spending so much time with this loser guy she's interested in that apparently she has no time to be a responsible and considerate roommate. What is odd is that this kind of behavior is so out of character for her. She was always the responsible one before she left on Quarter at Sea; now she's this big slob who hardly remembers to pay the power bill (which she is responsible for), let alone put in any extra effort around the apartment. I guess that I miss having her around too. I'm glad she's going out and has all these new friends, but I feel very left-behind. I HATE when people just forget about old friends when they find new ones. *Sigh* She's leaving for Tahoe for a few days so hopefully I'll have time to really clean up and then have a good talk with her about doing her share of the work around here. We'll see.

Jamie moved in this weekend and it is the strangest thing. Usually when I see her we spend a lot of time together because I'm just visiting, but now she lives here and I'm trying not to be overbearing but I don't feel like I'm doing a very good job. I just worry about her and how her roommates are going to be and how school will be and her driving (holy geez) and so on. I'm getting to be as bad as my mother. Youch. I feel so bad for my parents; they looked so heartbroken today and I remembered when I moved here and how hard it was on everyone and that now it's happening again. Really sad day.

I'm hoping some reading will help catch me up as far as schoolwork a little and take my mind off everything, even if it is for school. 'Til the next pre-breakdown...

Current Mood: listless
Current Music: Jessica Simpson - With You

Ah, one of those rare moments that could better be spent reading but will be spent on updating.

Shreg "Shawna and Greg" were here a few weekends ago, not that anyone would have ever known it because they spent every waking moment together and not with anyone else. No, it's okay, previous plans with your roommates and friends shouldn't mean anything to you.

Dan and I went to Oregon last weekend and that was pretty nuts, mostly because driving for 14 hours on Thursday and then again Sunday is pretty insane. Rachael got married in a very nice (and quick) outdoor ceremony. She looked very happy. I can now say that I have met all of the Kuhmanns, even the dad, and got to experience that unique dynamic. I expected to be surprised, and I was, but not in the way that I thought I would be surprised. I'll just say here that you really can't understand unless you're there.

Jamie is moving in this weekend...*gasp*! I really can't believe she is actually going to be living here. It's going to be so weird. I hope that we spend time together, but not too much because then we fight and that's no good.

Time is up!

Current Mood: happy

I just wanted to let everyone know how happy I am. Life has been very good to me today. Over and out.

Current Mood: satisfied

It is so incredible to have some down time. I was going to work on some schoolwork today, and I still might, but there's always an infinite amount of other things to do so I'm enjoying just sitting (my second favorite thing!) for a change.

Utah was so fun but at the same time so stressful. You got Cara and missing Dan and having my mom ragging on my clothes and this and that...I've said before that SLO feels like my natural habitat and I really hate being dragged away at any time. Even after only three years, I know I will always call this place home. I mean, I found myself here! It sounds cheezy, but I can help that my life is so cheddar-licious. I feel so good right now just being here and knowing that I am loved and that I have so much love for the people here and the place itself. Anyway, back to Utah. I guess there isn't a whole lot to tell that isn't in one of the two "Utah Blogs" so I'll just say that Jamie and I had a really fun time on the way home and that I now understand why people (playfully) pick on me because Jamie is so fun to pick on.

This week has been insane. I've had to get back into the school routine, worked my usual four classes, plus taught a hip-hop class to 40 high schoolers and taught my private class in AG, AND been catching up with Danielle (who I haven't seen in two months) AND spending lots and lots of fun time with Dan. As much as I missed him I think the week apart did us lots of good. We've been around each other almost every single day since last September (including every single school break in between) and right before I left things felt just a little strained but now everything is just nice and happy and how it should be. LONG sentence; bad English major. We all need breaks sometimes.

Speaking of dance, one of the two things that is keeping my world from being perfect is the fact that I still haven't been to any dance classes that I haven't taught for eight months. I can't seem to find any place here that has what I want. Academy of Dance still has that little whore that is fabulous at every dance except hip-hop teaching hip-hop, American School of Dance still has a craptacular attitude in my opinion, and the Performing Arts Academy in AG is not only in AG but has no advanced classes. I don't know what I'm going to do if I don't get into a dance class soon!

I guress that is all for now. Have a good weekend!

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Chumbawumba - Tubthumping

So things have gotten slighly better since last update. No, Cara hasn't gotten any better; if anything she's gotten more annoying but since I'm leaving her alone she's getting yelled at a lot more and I'm not getting yelled at nearly as much. It is very nice. I got to talked to Randy (my mom's cousin) Susan (Randy's wife) about some stuff that I've been wanting to talk to them (mostly Susan) about forever and it was so so nice to finally do it. We went bowling last night and my dad kicked everyone's trash like no thing at all. It was really fun. Today my mom, Cara and I went horseback riding through the Beaver Mountains near Bear Lake. It was really pretty and not long enough to make you sick of it. My horse was kind of bratty, but the ones I get always are. They always want to stop and eat. Then our whole family drove up to Bear Lake for lunch and the famous raspberry shakes. I was so stuffed! We hung out with Randy and Susan's family like we do every day we are here; I read some of my Russian Realism book and took a little nap while the boys were watching sports and the other girls went out to look at houses. Tomorrow we are going into SLC to go shopping and visit the temple grounds. It's our last big day here; Friday we'll be staying in Brigham City and Logan and Saturday we leave. This week always goes by fast and even though today was finally fun I still am ready to go home. Countdown: three days!

Current Mood: sleepy

So I'm here in Utah and I cannot wait until next Saturday when we leave. I'm not cut out for this life anymore. For one thing, I really miss Dan. I hate saying it because I think it sounds desperate and lame but I'm not desperate or lame so I guess as much as I dislike it I really don't care. It doesn't help that every single person I see asks about him or if I've talked to him lately or how he's doing. For another thing, Danielle is finally home from her quarter at sea and I so want to hang out with her and talk that it's killing me to wait another week. My Aunt Lori (who no one can stand) has decided to come out here for vacation at the same time as us (only until Tuesday) and everyone is having this huge fit over it and I'm just like "whatever" because what can anyone really do? I'm so sick of hearing about it since it's all anyone's talked about since Friday night when we got here. It will be talked about until we leave too; there is just no escaping it. For the last thing (which apparently only Andrew and I fully understand), Cara is being such a pain (aka being Cara) that as hard as I have been trying to stay out of her way and not get into it with her, I can't help but want to throw her on the ground and give her the beating she deserves. She sunk her nails into my hand yesterday just because I sort of whacked her on the arm (not hard) when she belched because she had been belching all day and I was tired of it. I didn't even do anything when she clawed me; I just sat there and took it because I am trying to not cause problems. That just makes me feel weak and lame even though I know that it's better that I didn't clock her like I wanted to becuase I don't feel guilty like I would have if I did. I really hate being around her and I hate everyone telling me that we'll grow out of it and we'll be best friends when we're older and blahdy blah. For one thing, I don't care. For another thing, I seriously doubt we'll ever get along. And attached to that I really hate this double-standard of siblings-not-liking-each-other being okay in other situations and families but not in mine. Hey, my mom and Lori hate each other too and that seems to be justified but Cara's psycho-ness is okay and I need to be the adult and put up with her. SO STUPID IT DRIVES ME MAD. I just want to go back to SLO and continue living the nice little life I've had for the past ten months. Just me and my friends and Dan. Countdown: one week.

Current Mood: cranky

Tomorrow I
lose my mind
Friday all hell
will break loose
I think the "Brothers
Karamozov" is brilliant
Drinking alcohol is about
the stupidest thing there is
My life is defined by weekends
(at least it has been as of late)
My goal is to have a positive attitude
the entire time that I am visiting Utah
It's nice to know I'm on the right track and
how I am going to reach the final destination

Back in a week

Current Mood: anxious

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Papa Roach - Scars

I am so exhausted. I got home yesterday afternoon after a 3.5 hour drive from SLO due to an heavy traffic and an accident on I-5. I hung out at KFC for a while and ran errands with my dad, went to a graduation party for one of my sister's friends, and went out to see "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" with Tyson and Brad and a couple of girls. I got home late and woke up early this morning. I was running errands and cleaning house from about 9AM until 6PM today to get ready for Jamie's graduation party. Since then I've been running on auto-pilot, which is pretty easy when the only thing most people ask me is "How is school going?" I'm just tired now. I wish the last few people would go home so I can go to sleep. I have so much to do before I leave tomorrow and I just don't want to deal with it. If I could be anywhere right now, it would be cuddling with Dan in his apartment and falling asleep on the couch. Instead, I am sitting at the family computer and listening to Cara's squeeky voice and hating being here. I know I'm being whiny, but I just want to get back to my calm, (relatively) relaxed SLO life. 19 more hours...

Current Mood: drained
Current Music: Gavin DeGraw - Chariot

This has been a very uneventful week. I've cleaned my apartment from top to bottom and it looks very nice again. I've been shopping (grocery, gift, and textbook) and watching TV the rest of the time. I haven't been able to see Dan as much as I'd hoped since he's been working every day and is tired when he gets home. Tomorrow I will be heading back to LB to attend Jamie's graduation party (and wash my bedding). I've definitely enjoyed the down time, but I need stuff to keep me entertained and busy again. There is never anything good on TV during the summer anyways. I'm excited to get back to work and working out. My boss called today to offer me the chance to teach a specialty class in hip-hop in July so that was pretty cool. I'm excited to be teaching dance to a large class again. I guess I'll just go to bed; I have nothing better to do.

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Michelle Branch - Tuesday Morning

So the end of Finals Week went better than expected. I think I did well on my last two finals. I got my grade back for KINE 250: A-, which sort of makes me mad because I had a perfect score in the class and a B on the final so I think I should have had an A. Oh well. Stupid weighted grades. Jamie's graduation was pretty good but very long. It took half an hour just to walk all the graduates to their seats. TOO LONG! I didn't do a whole lot this weekend: got my hair cut (mixed emotions), saw relatives, visited with Andrew and Carol, did my laundry, hung out with the family, talked to Dan on AIM, and had Ming's. I was so bored when I wasn't doing that stuff. I drove back to SLO yesterday morning in time for Stake Conference which was good. Our former bishop and his wife spoke and they were really good. Dan and I went to Morro Bay and Montana de Oro after church yesterday; it was fun even if I was completely wiped. I'm glad I didn't bail out like I wanted to. We had dinner together...pretty much we spent the whole day together. It was nice because I missed him while I was home. Today I'm cleaning out the fridge and the cabinents and maybe going shopping. Dan and I are going out for dinner and pie tonight so that is what I am most looking forward to. I need to be working out while I am not working so I won't be all *blah* when I go back next week. Maybe someday I'll have something super-interesting to say. Until then!

Current Mood: content
Current Music: Will Smith - Switch

I've decided to procrastinate a little longer this morning. Can you blame me after two finals after 2.5 hours of sleep yesterday? It feels so good to not be stressed out for a little while. The past few weeks have been oh-so-busy. Last week, I went to Montana de Oro with some friends for a bbq, two concerts for music class, had a reading quiz, had a paper due, helped put on the Institute end-of-the-year bbq, and got CPR/1st Aid certified. So far this week, I've started and complete a paper and a project all on Sunday, taught an abs class and my first step class, and had two finals. I will be teaching abs again today and step again tomorrow and have a final on Thursday and one on Friday. I've also discovered Blow Out on Bravo - I'm addicted! As soon as I'm done with my final on Friday I am jumping in my car and heading for LB to see Jamie graduate. I can't wait to get out of SLO for just a couple of days. Not that I don't like it here anymore (that will NEVER happen) but I need to get away from Poly ASAP, especially since I will be attending over the summer too. I can't tell you how excited I am for Friday at 12 when I walk out of my last final of the quarter. Even though everything has been so crazy, I've been pretty happy. I've dealt with my great-aunt's death now, so that's as "better" as it can be. I'm spending way too much time with Dan for everything I need to do but somehow he is just so much more appealing that studying. Go figure. :-) I seriously need a shower since I haven't had one since Monday and then I need to study for my super-hard History final tomorrow. I'm out y'all. Good luck on everything!

Current Mood: busy